Letter to You

Dear Reader,

Throughout my college composition class, I have learned quite a bit about writing that I didn't know before I started this class.  In the beginning of this class, I knew that I wasn't a very strong writer.  I have always had a pretty hard time with my writing skills, but I feel as if this class helped me a lot.  I feel as if I am a little bit more prepared for when I enter into college and have to write a bunch a papers for different classes.

The college composition class has taught me a little bit about the four main different types of paper and all the sub categories within each.  I have gotten a chance to write a piece on each of the four different types which strengthened my understanding of each of them.  Not only did I learn about the different types, but I also learned a few tips on how to make a paper stronger.  I have learned that in writing a paper, it is better to show instead of tell.  You can show by using dialogue instead of just of just typing what is going on.

 I also have learned that titles, introductions, and conclusions are a huge part of a good paper.  With titles, you need to make them memorable.  A title shouldn't completely give away what the paper is going to be about.  It should draw the reader in and make them think that this would be an interesting.  During class, we spent some time talking about introductions and all the different ways you can start an essay.  Introductions need to draw in the reader and catch their interest.  Some of the ways that I started my introductions were with facts/statistics, questions, and anecdotes.  For my conclusions, i usually just sum up what the main parts of the paper were, which is a pretty good way to end it, but there are other ways too.  Some other ways that you can write a conclusion is by making a recommendation of something you can do or a prediction of something that can happen too.

For my blog, I have written eight different entries about four of my pieces that i have written this year.  The blog is about how I can make each of my papers stronger.  I reflect on each of the four papers mentioning what i felt i did well on the draft and also on what i can improve.

My first two blogs dealt with my Chocolate paper.  The first one titled How to Make Chocolate Better was the first draft of my food paper.  I explained how I could make the paper better along with what I felt like I did well on writing it. The food paper a mix of different sub categories of an Expository paper.  I used definition and compare and contrast to write this paper.

 In the second entry, Three Chocolate Starters, I revised the paper and came up with three new introductions of the paper.  I used three different techniques to write my paper.  I used a quote, a question, and an anecdote as different introductions.  I feel as if each introduction could give the paper a little something different.

The next three entries had to do with my seven deadly sins paper.  The first one Seven Deadly Sins Take 1 is my first draft and my reflections while the second is Seven Deadly Sins Take 2 is my revision to the draft.  I want you guys to see the differences between the two drafts and how I added a little bit more detail to the second draft.

The third seven deadly sins entry is two new conclusions that could be the end of the paper.  With the entry, Two New Endings, I want you to see the two new techniques that I used.  I made a prediction and a recommendation, along with my original that summed up the main points in my paper.

The next entry had to do with my How to Text in Class paper.  This was a process analysis paper, which is a form of an expository paper.  I did not do the actual revisions to this paper, but I reflected on what I could do to make it stronger, which is to add some definitions along with make the conclusion a little bit stronger.

The last two entries, Like Mother Like Daughter and Like Mother Like Daughter Take 2, is a piece that I chose to get feedback on from my teacher.  It is a paper that I had the most fun writing.  With these two entries I would like you to look how I revised the paper.

I worked hard on my portfolio, and I hope that you can tell while looking through it and reading the four different pieces and the reflections in each of the eight entries to this blog.

Sincerely,

Morgan 

Like Mother Like Daughter Take 2

For the revision of this paper, I tried to balance out the dialouge a little bit.  I tried to add some about the fight with my dad and my step mom, instead of just summing it up in one short paragraph.  I feel as if it is still unbalanced because I liked how the beginning summed up my family and gave a little but of background.  I tried to end the paper a little  bit different and not with just dialouge.

For the description i tried to add a little between dialouge but i didn't add too much more.  I didn't feel as if it need alot more.  I also decided to stick with just telling a story of the first fight and showing how my mom was there for me with that one.  At the end I made the point that she has been like that for every other fight that I have had with my father.

Encouraging Mom

“Morgan, you need to give him another chance. You need to give him the benefit of the doubt,” my mother explained to me.

            My parents split up when I was in 6^th grade.  It was a hard time, but I dealt with it quite well.  My sister and I had a set schedule for where we were supposed to be on set night.  Mondays and Wednesdays I was at my mom’s house.  On Tuesday and Thursday I was to spend the night at my dad’s house.  I would switch every weekend and then on Sundays I would switch too.  It worked out well when it was just the three of us at each house.   But that didn’t last long.

            By the end of seventh grade, my mom had found my step dad and my dad had found my step mom.  We were switching around houses and in the end they ended up moving in with us and there were two new houses.  At first everything was fine.  I liked both my step mom and my step dad.  I got along with my step siblings too.  Everything seemed like it would have all worked out but that just wasn’t the case.

            After about six months, things at my dad’s house went down hill.  My step mother and I started to fight about stupid stuff.  It started to get really bad.  My dad would always take her side and always change everything that he ended up saying originally for what she wanted her to say.

The first time that there was ever a big problem was before my dad and step mom was married.  I remember getting in the fight over something stupid and it blowing up.  That first time she sat me down and was just yelling at me.  I remember her saying “I am your fathers number one… fan,” which I know she really wasn’t planning on saying.  I still believe to this day she wanted to say that she was his favorite.

 After that my dad took me outside to talk to me about what had just happened.  He just wanted to calm me down.  “You did nothing wrong in there,” he would tell me over and over again.

I would just sit there in quiet while he just kept talking to me.  Once I calmed down he left me to go talk to her.  I waited outside for him to come back and when he did his opinion on what had happened had changed.

“You shouldn’t have done what you did.  You need to respect her more…”and he just kept going on and on.  I just couldn’t understand how what he thought could change so quickly or how she could manipulate what he thought so easily.  It got to the point that I couldn’t live at his house anymore so I had to do something to get out.

            That first night that I left there, I had my mom come and pick me up.  She was always there for me and always came and got me whenever I needed her to.  She would always say to me “I will keep my phone on me incase you need me.” My mom is a lot like me.  She has the same weathered acorn eye color and they are almond shape.  Her hair is brunette with streaks of caramel and chestnut through it just like mine. 

After I left, I went back to my mom’s house.  She would sit there with me and talk to me about what happened for as long as I needed to.  She would listen to what I said and comfort me.  When she would talk to me to try and calm me down her voice was so comforting to me.  Often her voice comes off as strong and confident, but not that night.  That night was soothing.  It was just what I needed.

“It just got too hard for me to handle over there I can’t handle it anymore,” I said to her that night when I got home.

That night she didn’t push anything or say anything about me going back over there anytime soon.  She saved that for when I calmed down a few days later.  She knew that I didn’t need to hear anything about wanting to go back over there.  I think at that point she didn’t want me to.  She just wanted me to stay at her house so I would be happy.  She was almost as upset about the whole situation as I was.

After about a week, I still wasn’t talking to my dad.  I was too stubborn to talk to him yet.  I was still too hurt to talk to him.  I was very angry at him at that point.  The problem was that my mom knew that I hadn’t talked to him in a while and she always had a way of getting me to do what I knew that I should do.

“Morgan, have you talked to you dad yet?”

“No, I’m not ready to yet.  He hurt me and I’m not ready to hear him spaz again.”

“How do you know that he will? You need to look at things from the bright side.  I’m not saying jump back over there and go to his house to spend the night again.  But at least talk to him to make it so you still have a relationship with you father.  He is your dad.  You need to talk to him at some point,” my mom always said the same things in the fights to follow.  She wouldn’t push too hard and I could tell in her guy that she would wait for me to be ready to talk to him.

“I can’t do it though.  I am sick of getting hurt and I can’t do it anymore.  It is too hard.”

“Morgan, you need to look at the glass half full instead of half empty.  I know that your dad can be very stubborn, but sometimes he can surprise you,” the tone of her voice gave of how she really thought.  I knew that she knew it wouldn’t be that easy for me.

After that talk, I waited a couple of more days before I ended up calling him.  It was a little rocky but it worked out in the end.  It took me a couple of months before he asked me to come live with him again but he did.  That was not the last fight I had with him or with my step mom. My relationship with my dad has never been the same since that fight.  I know that there will be more fights to come and it will be a struggle to get through every single one of them.

Along with know there are more fights to come, I know that my mom will always be there to help me to get through them and just sit there in silences while I try to come down a little bit.  She will always be there to encourage me to keep a relationship with him.

Like Mother Like Daughter

For my character sketch paper, I wrote about how my mom has been a huge influence in my life.  She has helped me get through a lot of different parts in my life.  I like how it is a story about my life and how I have come to be who I am today.  I feel that I had one good example in my paper which shows how strong my relationship with my mom really is.

I feel with this story that I did a pretty good job at giving a little bit of history about my family and how it ended up growing.  I think that there is quiet a bit of dialogue which is better then just telling it, but in the beginning where i talk about the fight in this paragragh, I could have some more."After about six months, things at my dad’s house went down hill.  My step mother and I started to fight about stupid stuff.  It started to get really bad.  My dad would always take her side and always change everything that he ended up saying originally for what she wanted her to say.  One time he went to me and said that I did nothing wrong, but then after talking to her he went back and said that it was my fault. It got to the point that I couldn’t live at his house anymore so I had to do something to get out."  With this paragraph, i feel that it is a huge part of the story, but only in a small paragraph.  This fight is why my mom was there for me so i feel that i can expand on it.

I have a little bit of description for describing my mom like, "She has the same weathered acorn eye color and they are almond shape.  Her hair is brunette with streaks of caramel and chestnut through it just like mine," but there isn't much more then that and I feel as if it could be stronger.

Some feedback that I would like back on this paper is if the dialogue is strong.  I know that I have quite a bit, but I don't know how strong it really is.  In my paper I describe my mom physically but I don't know if there is enough description.  I  like feedback on the amount of description I have, or if there needs to be more.  I would also like feedback on my transitions along with my example.  I don't know if my example is strong enough just to have one or if I should add one or two more examples.

Encouraging Mom

“Morgan, you need to give him another chance. You need to give him the benefit of the doubt” My mother explained to me.

            My parents split up when I was in 6^th grade.  It was a hard time, but I dealt with it quite well.  My sister and I had a set schedule for where we were supposed to be on set night.  Mondays and Wednesdays I was at my mom’s house.  On Tuesday and Thursday I was to spend the night at my dad’s house.  I would switch every weekend and then on Sundays I would switch too.  It worked out well when it was just the three of us at each house.   But that didn’t last long.

            By the end of seventh grade, my mom had found my step dad and my dad had found my step mom.  We were switching around houses and in the end they ended up moving in with us and there were two new houses.  At first everything was fine.  I liked both my step mom and my step dad.  I got along with my step siblings too.  Everything seemed like it would have all worked out but that just wasn’t the case.

            After about six months, things at my dad’s house went down hill.  My step mother and I started to fight about stupid stuff.  It started to get really bad.  My dad would always take her side and always change everything that he ended up saying originally for what she wanted her to say.  One time he went to me and said that I did nothing wrong, but then after talking to her he went back and said that it was my fault. It got to the point that I couldn’t live at his house anymore so I had to do something to get out.

            That first night that I left there, I had my mom come and pick me up.  She was always there for me and always came and got me whenever I needed her to.  She would always say to me “I will keep my phone on me incase you need me,” My mom is a lot like me.  She has the same weathered acorn eye color and they are almond shape.  Her hair is brunette with streaks of caramel and chestnut through it just like mine. 

After I left, I went back to my mom’s house.  She would sit there with me and talk to me about what happened for as long as I needed to.  She would listen to what I said and comfort me.  When she would talk to me to try and calm me down her voice was so comforting to me.  Often her voice comes off as strong and confident, but not that night.  That night was soothing.  It was just what I needed.

“It just got too hard for me to handle over there I can’t handle it anymore,” I said to her that night when I got home.

That night she didn’t push anything or say anything about me going back over there anytime soon.  She saved that for when I calmed down a few days later.  She knew that I didn’t need to hear anything about wanting to go back over there.  I think at that point she didn’t want me to.  She just wanted me to stay at her house so I would be happy.  She was almost as upset about the whole situation as I was.

After about a week, I still wasn’t talking to my dad.  I was too stubborn to talk to him yet.  I was still too hurt to talk to him.  I was very angry at him at that point.  The problem was that my mom knew that I hadn’t talked to him in a while and she always had a way of getting me to do what I knew that I should do.

“Morgan, have you talked to you dad yet?”

“No, I’m not ready to yet.  He hurt me and I’m not ready to hear him spaz again”

“How do you know that he will? You need to look at things from the bright side.  I’m not saying jump back over there and go to his house to spend the night again.  But at least talk to him to make it so you still have a relationship with you father.  He is your dad.  You need to talk to him at some point.”

“I can’t do it though.  I am sick of getting hurt and I can’t do it anymore.  It is too hard.”

“Morgan, you need to look at the glass half full instead of half empty.  I know that your dad can be very stubborn, but sometimes he can surprise you.”

After that talk, I waited a couple of more days before I ended up calling him.  It was a little rocky but it worked out in the end.  Every time that my dad and I have had a rocky time in our life, my mom has always been there to calm me down and lead me to do the right thing.  She has always led me and encouraged me to look at the glass half full instead of half empty.

How do you Text in Class?

When we first got the assignment, I thought that it was going to be pretty easy.  Once we came up with the idea, my partner and I worked well together in pulling the paper together.  How to text in class is a pretty easy subject to write about and produce a paper on all of the different steps.

The reason that my partner and I decided to write about how to text in class is because it is a skill that most high school students have accomplished, but many still get caught.  Quite often you hear your teacher catch a student with there phone out texting.  If you want to text, you need to be sneaky about it and that is what this paper is all about. This is how to hide the fact that you are texting in class.

With writing this paper, we didn't really have trouble with any part of it.  The hardest part was probably the organization which category all the subcategories should fit into.  We accomplished this by just starting to write and then fitting them in where they felt right.  I feel as if where the subcategories are placed is pretty well organized.  The easiest part of the paper was coming up with all of the different instructions and writing how to accomplish them.  Between the two of us, we added quite a bit of details to each of the instrucions like how you should wear "clothes like a baggy sweatshirt where you can hide your phone quickly," or "don’t make any out of the ordinary facial expressions. Out of nowhere laughter is a clear giveaway. Train yourself to show little to no emotion while reading messages."

After looking at the paper about a month or two after writing it, there are a few things that I would change. First I would read over it and fix the grammar. Then I would add to the conclusion and make it longer then just two sentences.  In order to do this I would reflect and sum up the main points and categories that I made throughout the entire paper.  The introduction was pretty strong and I feel like the conclusion can be just as strong.

I would also add another step to the paper about how you can use "texting" language to make it a little bit faster.  In this step, I can add what some of the language is and define the meaning like LOL means laugh out loud, NVM is never mind, and NM is not much. Along with adding that, some of the different subcategories can have a little more details like "Be ready for an opportunity."  There you can explain what some of the other opportunities might be.

Over all I felt that the paper was pretty strong except the conclusion wasn't bad and there wasn't many definitions.  With the revisions mentioned about, I feel the paper will be pretty strong.

How to Text in Class

            Texting is a task that many students participate in during school hours.  In order to not get caught while texting, there are a lot of important steps to remember in order to prevent getting caught, and possibly getting your phone taken away.  Each of these steps will increase your chances of sending a successful text, and maybe even have a successful conversation with your friends.

1.     Be discrete- the secret to being successful while texting in class is being as un-noticeable as possible. Being ninja-like is no easy task, but here are some hints as to how to accomplish the task…

a.      Keep your Phone hidden- Make it so the phone is out of view of the teacher.  You can either do this by…

                                                               i.      Hiding it under the table.

1.     If the desk has a front panel on it, your golden, but if its wide open, choose where you sit carefully (see sewat choice)

                                                             ii.      Create blockers- folders or books.

1.     Pile up your textbooks on top of one another, make the structure as tall as possible but also construct it to withstand the elements. Make sure nothing is hanging off the edge of your desk because someone could walk by and knock it off, which would blow your cover.

b.     Make it normal- keep it real and be chill

                                                               i.      Don’t make any sudden movements. Quick, rapid movements will draw attention to you, which is a big no-no

                                                             ii.      Make a movement more then once, even if you are not texting. This way the teacher will not suspect anything because he or she will be accustomed to the action.

                                                            iii.      Don’t make any out of the ordinary facial expressions. Out of nowhere laughter is a clear giveaway. Train yourself to show little to no emotion while reading messages

c.     Utilize Distractions-

                                                               i.      Be ready for an opportunity

                                                             ii.      If you see a person going up to talk to the teacher, get ready! You will have to make the most of the time. Make sure you don’t get lazy though as you don’t know when the teacher will regain his or her focus.

d.     Clothing Selection-

                                                               i.      Wear clothes like a baggy sweatshirt where you can hide your phone quickly.

                                                             ii.      Sweatpants with easy-access pockets are also good. Make sure you remember which pocket you put it in so you won’t be searching wildly when the time comes

2.     Know Your Phone

a.      Know the keyboard

                                                               i.      Make sure that when you are texting, you know where the keys are so you don’t have to look at your phone the whole time.

                                                             ii.      Have your movements planned out ahead of time.

                                                            iii.      Use the little notches as memory tools to train your thumbs.

                                                           iv.      If you know you keyboard, you can keep an eye on the teacher.

                                                             v.      Again, make sure your facial expressions stay natural, if it looks like you’re really

b.      Prepare your phone-

                                                               i.      Put the phone on silent.  Don’t keep it on vibrate because your teacher still may be able to hear it.

                                                             ii.      Turn brightness down.  If it is on high, your teacher may be able to see the light if the room is dark.

3.     Set up Positioning

a.      Easy Access

                                                               i.      Put your phone in a place where you can grab it easily, whether behind your books, in your bag, or in your sweatshirt pocket.

b.     Choose Seat Carefully

                                                               i.      Don’t sit in a seat where your teacher can see under your desk. Sit away from the teacher.

                                                             ii.      Avoid door ways incase another teacher or administrator walks in.

To have the best chances of texting successfully in class one must follow these texts.  Make sure that you are sneaky with your texting ways.

Two New Endings

The first conclusion that I wrote for my 7 Deadly Sins paper was just summing up all the main points that I made throughout my paper.  Those main points were all about how the coaches, players, and fans all commited sins throughtout the game.

For the first new conclusion, I will make a recommendation of a course of action that someone should take.  I will recomend that they should go to a game and witness for themselves everyone commiting these sins.  Also say that they might commit some of these sins too.

Sins will always be commited at a basketball game, especially ones of this intensity. You can't quite get how watching a game of this intensity feels unless you actually attend one.  Go to a game and witness all of this for yourself.  Witness how intense the coaches and players get on the court.  Witness some of those fans who wish they could be down on the court.  Maybe you will be one of the fans that actually commit some of the sins at the game.

For the second new conclusion, I will make a prediction for the next couple of games that Uconn and Syracuse play against eachother and mention how the sins will never go away and I will also make a prediction about who wins the next game.

Syracuse and Uconn games are  as intense as they come.  Every game gets more and more intense.  The next time that they play against eachother Syracuse will probably come out strong, but Uconn will keep fighting and won't let Syracuse pull too far ahead.  The Sins at these games will increase as the players and coaches get greedy in order to win the game.  Syracuse might win the next couple of games they play against Uconn, but eventually Uconn will get on a winning streak.

Seven Deadly Sins Take 2

For the revision of this paper, I added a couple of details that I thought could make my paper a little stronger.  I also added a couple of examples to some of the sins.  With doing so, I feel that my paper is a little bit stronger then it was before.  I feel as if my revised paper has the detail it needs to be a good paper. 

All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at a Syracuse vs. Uconn Basketball game

            Syracuse and Uconn are one of the biggest rivals in college basketball today.  The Syracuse-Uconn games are one of the most exciting games for most of the Syracuse fans. Fans get to experience a game this exciting only two or three times a year. Jim Boeheim (Syracuse) and Jim Calhoun (Connecticut) are two of the best know coaches for college basketball and each year their team does great and goes far.   In 2009 the two teams shared a six over time game for the finals!  Nothing gets more exciting then that. With these games, the fans go crazy, and the coaches and players go insane.  It is the perfect place for all seven deadly sins to be committed.

            All the fans start rushing into the Carrier Dome way before the game even starts getting all their souvenirs and beers before they take their seats.  No one wants to get up and miss any part of the game.  It’s quite funny watching some people walk in with piles and piles of food and cups and cups of beer they already bought.  How can someone eat that much during a two hour period?    Some people just keep getting up to get more and more food.  It just isn’t necessary.

            Once the game finally gets started and all of the plays get onto the court the sins continue to grow.  The players start running back and fourth.  They can hear the fans in the stands yelling and cheering.  It gets them pumped up and ready to play their hearts out!  Those first year players get ready to show what they are made of.  Prove that they can be a part of their team.  Dion Waiters and Keita have proven what they can do, but can they continue to do it.  Scoop Jardine, Kris Joseph, and Brandon Triche come back to show they still have it! You can tell that they all have worked their butts off for this game.

            Each team continues to score right after each other through the first half of the game.  Jim Boeheim keeps switching all of his players because his team is just that good.  Five new players go in at a time.  Every time you hear the crowd cheer that they get to see someone else.  You can see and read the faces of each guy in the crowed.  The lust, the envy, and the gluttony are written all over it.  A guy carefully puts his ticket on a bag that is full of every other game ticket.  Hundreds filled that bag and they were all Syracuse.  You could tell that he had so many more at home just because of how he placed it in He has a Syracuse hat, a Syracuse sweatshirt, Syracuse pants, and even Syracuse shoes.  You can tell who his favorite team is.  The team that he loves, that he lusts.

            One guy is on the bleachers cheering every time Syracuse makes a basket.  You could tell that he used to play basket ball.  He was tall and slim, just like the guys out on the court.  His face just read that he wanted to be down on the court running with the guys and playing.  He looked like he was meant to be down there.  He envied all of the Syracuse and Uconn players.  That fan would have done anything to trade places with someone like Kris Joseph.  It makes you wonder what happened to him to make it so he couldn’t be down there playing.  He looked like he was a good player so it couldn’t have been that he wasn’t scouted.  Maybe he had an injury.  He could have torn his ACL or broken something else in his body.  At some points during the game he looked as if he was about to run down there and grab the ball to just start playing.

            A group of guys sat in their chairs still stuffing their faces from the beginning of the day.  It was as if they just came to the game to eat all the different kinds of food.  How can you not get sick after all of that food?  People walk in with salted pretzels, pizza, nachos, and ice cream.  It wouldn’t be surprising if some of them ran to the bathroom in the beginning of the game.  Then there were all the cup and plates around them.  They just piled up and those piles continued to grow as the game progressed.

            The game started coming to an end.  There was only 4 minutes left and the score was close.  The refs started calling everything.  Players were sitting down because of their four of five fowls.  Coach Boeheim and Coach Calhoun started jumping out of their seats yelling at the refs.  The players started getting more intense.  The wrath between the two teams filled the whole stadium.  It was too close to know what would win.  In the last two minutes, Syracuse started pulling away.  You could tell that the rest of the Uconn players that didn’t have to sit out yet weren’t as prepared for a game like this.  They didn’t work as hard in practices as Syracuse did, or even their top players.  They just looked like they were lazy.

            Syracuse was up by 5 with a minute left.  Each basket they made was an excitement and a party.  They were getting way too cocky and excited.  The pride they shared was at the wrong time.  This game was not over yet.  Uconn could still make a come back.  They still had a chance of winning.  With thirty seconds left Uconn was only down by two.  Uconn could win if Syracuse doesn’t make one final move.

            Syracuse ended up winning by 4 points.  The players couldn’t have been more ecstatic, but Boeheim and the other coaches were a little greedy.  They thought that they could have played better and won by a little more.  Syracuse could have won by at least 8 points that nice.  They started their 2010-2011 season with a win.

            This game was full of sins.  The lust, envy, and gluttony of the fans.  The Sloth, wrath, and pride of the players.  The greed and wrath of the Coaches.  Each game comes with new fans and teams, but all the same sins. All seven sins are committed at a basketball game.

Seven Deadly Sins Take 1

The Seven Deadly Sins Paper was based off of the paper "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale." After reading that essay I thought that this would be a pretty interesting paper to write, but I didn't know what to write about.  It took me a little bit of thinking of what topic I could write about before I came up with the Basketball games.  After that all the ideas of the different people that could be committing the sins just flowed.

When drafting my first draft of my Seven Deadly Sins paper, I thought that it would be a pretty easy paper for me to write, which turned out to be true.  At first I had to do a little bit of research in order to start writing but after that the words just flowed.  I think that the paper was so easy to write because it was a topic that was interesting to me.  Watching those basketball games is something that i enjoy to do.  My family and I watch the Syracuse games whenever they are on TV.  I have learned to know the players on the team and their strengths.

While writing this paper I learned that an exemplification paper is one that uses examples to get the main idea across.  In my essays I used different people who were committing the sins at the games as an example.  Most of my examples were related to a group of people like most of the fans or the players or the coaches.  it wasn't just about one person.  My "thesis" for this exemplification paper was "At a basketball game of this level and excitement, people are bound to sin at some point during the duration of the game."  Each Exemplification paper should have a thesis with examples to back it up.

With my paper, I felt I did a pretty good job.  I think that some parts of the paper could be stronger, but the examples that i added were pretty good.  I had one example for each of the seven sins.  I think that the parts of my paper that were the strongest were the parts where i gave a little bit of history about the two teams playing each other and also some of the examples about some of the fans.  The history I put about their past was "In 2009 the two teams shared a six over time game for the finals!"  With this it shows how both of the two teams are so strong and they are a good match.  It shows how intense the two teams can be.

The parts that I feel that I feel I can make stronger are my introduction and my conclusion.  I think that i just wrote both of them with out putting a lot of thought into either one of them.  My introduction isn't that bad because I added a little bit of the history between the two teams.  But with the conclusion I feel that I just summed all of it up and then was done.  I could have ended it a little bit cleaner.

I know feel that I need to work on adding a couple more examples of some of the different sins.  I also thing I can add a little bit of detail about the statistics of the coaches and the players, especially about how the two coaches are extremely well known in college basketball.  Along with that I think that I can add a little bit of detail into each of the different sins.

All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at a Syracuse vs. Uconn Basketball game

            Syracuse and Uconn are one of the biggest rivals in college basketball today.  The Syracuse-Uconn games are the most exciting games for mort of the Syracuse fans. Fans get to experience a game this exciting only two or three times a year.  In 2009 the two teams shared a six over time game for the finals!  Nothing gets more exciting then that. With these games, the fans go crazy, and the coaches and players go insane.  It is the perfect place for all seven deadly sins.

            All the fans start rushing into the Carrier Dome way before the game even starts getting all their souvenirs and beers before they take their seats.  No one wants to get up and miss any part of the game.  It’s quite funny watching some people walk in with piles and piles of food and cups and cups of beer they already bought.  How can someone eat that much during a two hour period?  How can you not get sick after all of that food?

            Once the game finally gets started and all of the plays get onto the court the sins continue to grow.  The players start running back and fourth.  They can hear the fans in the stands yelling and cheering.  It gets them pumped up and ready to play their hearts out!  Those first year players get ready to show what they are made of.  Prove that they can be a part of their team.  Fab Melo and C.J Fair have proven what they can do, but can they continue to do it.  Scoop Jading, Kris Joseph, and Brandon Triche come back to show they still have it! You can tell that they all have worked their buts off for this game.

            Each team continues to score one by one through the first half of the game.  Jim Boeheim keeps switching all of his players because his team is just that good.  Five new players go in at a time.  Every time you hear the crowd cheer that they get to see someone else.  You can see and read the faces of each guy in the crowed.  The lust, the envy, and the gluttony is written all over it.  A guy carefully puts his ticket on a bag that is full of every other game ticket.  Hundreds filled that bag and they were all Syracuse.  He has a Syracuse hat, a Syracuse sweatshirt, Syracuse pants, and even Syracuse shoes.  You can tell who his favorite team is.  The team that he loves, that he lusts.

            One guy is on the bleachers cheering every time Syracuse makes a basket.  You could tell that he used to play basket ball.  He was tall and slim, just like the guys out on the court.  His face just read that he wanted to be down on the court running with the guys and playing.  He looked like he was meant to be down there.  He envied all of the Syracuse and Uconn players.  That fan would have done anything to trade places with someone like Kris Joseph.

            A group of guys sat in their chairs still stuffing their faces from the beginning of the day.  It was as if they just came to the game to eat all the different kinds of food.  They had nachos, a hot dog, a pretzel and ice cream.  Not to mention all the empty cups that was all around them

            The game started coming to an end.  There was only 4 minutes left and the score was close.  The refs started calling everything.  Players were sitting down because of their four of five fowls.  Coach Boeheim and Coach Calhoun started jumping out of their seats yelling at the refs.  The players started getting more intense.  The wrath between the two teams filled the whole stadium.  It was too close to know what would win.  In the last two minutes, Syracuse started pulling away.  You could tell that the rest of the Uconn players that didn’t have to sit out yet weren’t as prepared for a game like this.  They didn’t work as hard in practices Syracuse, or even their top players.  They just looked like they were lazy.

            Syracuse us up by 5 with a minute left.  Each basket they made was an excitement and a party.  They were getting way too cocky and excited.  The pride they shared was at the wrong time.  This game was not over yet.  Uconn could still make a come back.  They still had a chance of winning.  With thirty seconds left Uconn was only down by two.  Uconn could win if Syracuse doesn’t make one final move.

            Syracuse ended up winning by 8 points.  The players couldn’t have been more ecstatic, but Boeheim and the other coaches were a little greedy.  They thought that they could have played better and won by a little more.  Syracuse could have won by at least 12 points that nice.  They started this 2010-2011 season winning their first four games.

            This game was full of sins.  The lust, envy, and gluttony of the fans.  The Sloth, wrath, and pride of the players.  The greed and wrath of the Coaches.  Each game comes with new fans and teams, but all the same sins. All seven sins are committed at a basketball game.